April 2022
I think eat-in and takeaway curries have become a bit of a scam...
Why? Well, last weekend I went out for a curry or a Kooray as us Brummies pronounce it. This was a get-together with a group of friends of nearly forty years. We all used to work together back in the 80s and now meet up once or twice a year for a catch-up.
For me, this particular gathering was strewn with minor anxieties. Firstly, it was the first time I had been out to a restaurant in a town for well over two years since the Covid pandemic hit. And, whilst the worst of the pandemic appears to be behind us, rates of infection are still very high albeit with symptoms now leaning towards mild(ish). So, some concerns there.
Secondly, and more relevantly, I have an issue with Indian restaurant food. I think we're being taken for a ride and the restaurants are literally currying favour with us in my opinion.
Indian food and Indian takeaways have been one of my favourite foods for years. I remember, somewhere around the mid-70s, my sister making an Indian meal as part of her home-economics course. I think it was lamb curry and I vaguely recall lots of little side dishes like sliced orange and desiccated coconut (which, fortunately, didn't catch on). But I remember the curry itself being lovely. And then, around 1990, I was working in Northfield near Birmingham and I was introduced to an Indian Balti - and I was hooked.
But, over the last several years, I have noticed a significant decline in the quality of takeaway and restaurant Indian meals. They seem to have become very generic with very little substance and only vary by what meat you want in it (if any) and how hot you like your curries. It's almost like they have some sort of base gravy or sauce and then, depending on what you order, they just add "heat-and-meat" and, if you're lucky, a sprinkle of green herbs or a slice of raw tomato for colour.
And, so last weekend, at this very nice Indian restaurant in Cheltenham (one cannot call them "Curry Houses" in Cheltenham!), I ordered my standard King Prawn Balti. To be accurate, in this restaurant (Cheltenham), it was "Tiger Prawn" Balti (they can charge an extra few quid for the Tiger moniker I presume).
When my meal arrived, not only was it not served in the traditional metal Balti bowl that gave the dish its name, but it was just on a white plate with a few spoonfuls of what looked like a beige porridge containing a number of large(ish) prawns. Other than the porridge consistency, there was absolutely no other substance to it whatsoever and virtually no colour. My friend next to me had ordered an entirely different dish - one that we had not heard the name of before and which had to be explained by the waiter. It, too, was a prawn dish and when it arrived, it was identical in looks to mine. In fact, the meal my friend had opposite me also looked identical to mine even though it was chicken.
Now, don't get me wrong, the other food was very nice. The poppadums, the naan, the Bombay potato were all good quality and authentic. But the main dish was just as I expected - generic gloop. Mine tasted nothing like a Balti. In fact, I'd be hard-pressed to describe how mine tasted. There was a little heat there, just enough for me but nothing memorable about the flavour.
My assumption is that as "going out for a kooray" is generally a very social event, we barely notice the quality of the main meal as we are so busy socialising and consuming Cobra beer.
And that really is how it should be - a good night out with good company. But, I have to reach for the Gaviscon when I'm charged £14 for a plate of Tiger Prawn Balti that bears no resemblance to Tiger Prawns or Balti.
However, there is hope...
While the demise of takeaway curry has been taking place, there has been a revolution in home-cook curries. I can now buy a jar of Balti curry sauce with a plastic lid containing spices from Aldi for just about £1 that when mixed with a bag of frozen prawns, makes a very acceptable (to me) Balti dish. And, this is just one of a huge variety of cook-at-home curry options.
So, in conclusion, I think I am done with Indian takeaways and eat-ins. I will continue to enjoy my cooked-at-home curries and when we next all meet up for a kooray, I'll stick to naan and a Bombay potato.